A while back, I had a conversation with an Indian friend of mine. She wasn’t pleased with something that happened at a team’s event. She made sure she clearly stated how she felt about the situation and how she thought she should have been treated by the team. Interestingly, I actually appreciated that she came up to me and we talked about it. I respected her for doing that. Some rectifications were made and after that, it is like the incident never happened……My boss once told me, “Nelly, if you don’t speak up, I will never know what you are thinking. This happened months ago, we could have sorted this out then.” OR he will say, “You keeping quiet is a confirmation that what I am saying is true.” For example, if he says I’m unreliable and I don’t say anything then it is a confirmation that I am LoL. Now, I have learnt to be assertive and express myself and my ideas, no matter how off, they could sound at that moment😅 He would ask me multiple times to challenge his ideas. Basically, speak up and communicate haha he is Indian too😃

See, in the African culture, we are taught that being silent and looking down as elders speak to you is respect and sadly, many people grow up with this mentality. Do you know that it is actually disrespectful to look down when somebody is talking to you? Eye contact in communication is very important. There are so many people who are living in fear and other frustrations because they simply can’t express themselves to the right people and get things changed for the better. In a sermon I was listening to, Pastor Chris once said to the congregation more than 20 years ago, that there are people who were supposed to be earning so much and even should be having company houses and company cars but they were living like paupers. Why? Because they have not spoken up. They have been made to believe that their value to the company is at minimum yet in actuality, their value is unmatched. Then he said, go speak up and demand what you know you deserve. Of course, no company will make you rich. God is the one who gives you the power to make wealth and He empowers you to prosper (Deuteronomy 8:18). God also bought with your price so no salary will ever match your value but that shouldn’t make you accept anything that comes in life. When you truly know who you are, you will banish the fear and speak up.

Today, I would like to pose this question to you; So far, how many relationships or friendships do you think would have been salvaged if you just spoke up?

Last year, my close friend did something that I thought was a bit disrespectful and instead of speaking up, I ignored it and let it slide. This happened many more times and with time, it started to irritate me. And since I was busy with work, I used that as an excuse of avoiding her. I don’t like having toxicity around me so I talked to her to know how she is doing, no deep conversations. This went on for a few months. When we finally got to sit down, she said, “I am sorry, I was disrespectful. I didn’t realize it but now I know how to treat you because you have voiced it. A few months ago, I also had an ongoing disagreement with my parents because of a personal decision they didn’t agree with. So, one time, we were going somewhere and they literally went on a rant for like 2 hours. This happened for two days. All the while, I didn’t defend myself or say anything, I just stayed silent. After these incidents, I found it hard receiving calls or if I did, I found myself being after ending the conversation as fast as I could. This happened until I had an honest conversation with them. Sometimes, we don’t even have to agree with people but it is important to speak up and be heard.

I avoid confrontations. I prefer to stay silent and just let things be. However, I have realized that after letting things slide for so long, I find myself waking up one day and moving on completely from a friend or a colleague or a project. Maybe a friend who would have such an impact in my life or a project that would have had an impact on many lives. It takes a lot for me to move on though. I have the ability to take so much without complaining until when I feel it is affecting my spirit. And I don’t mean moving on with bitterness. Never let yourself get bitter because of anything or anybody. You are too precious for that. No matter what, let it go and focus on God’s love for you. It is also not every person who should have a front row in your life. Each and every person who comes to your life has a role to play in your script of life. Sometimes the role could be a villain like Goliath in David’s story. So, learn to love such people from a distance. Seriously though, you will have a very easy time if you learn to express yourself. And your sentiments are valid. Sometimes, people might think you are a bit ‘extra’ but it actually doesn’t matter as long as you pass your point across. Of course, being open to correction is also very important.

Let’s talk about the Word a little bit.

When I got born again, I got to know and understand that God loves me personally. I understood that I am Accepted in the Beloved. I understood that I am the apple of God’s eye, the manifestation of God’s thinking, God’s own special purchased possession. I am as righteous as God is because He gave me His own righteousness by faith. I am a new creation with the nature of God. I no longer approach the throne with fear or feelings of inferiority. Instead, I approach the throne of God with boldness because there is a kindred spirit now, God is my Father, not that mean abstract god that we cannot see. With that being said, I now draw my strength, joy and peace from the Word of God. And as I study and meditate on this Word, I have become one with it. That means, at whatever stage I am at in my life, nothing and nobody can define me successfully. Only the person with the revelation of God’s Word can successfully define me. Therefore, I maintain a joyful heart and enjoy peace that surpasses human understanding, no matter how rebellious circumstances could be.

Now, that I know who I am, even my dreams and standards have gone extremely high because I am a son of the Most High. Imagine your Father is the Creator of the Universe, why should you expect and accept anything that is ‘less than’?

See, if you never know who you are, you will never become. In the same way, if you don’t know who you are, you will accept anything that life throws unto you. You will accept situations and any kind of treatment. Being a Christian is not being a coward. Yes, a Christian is meek but if they bite us, their teeth will break because Christ dwelling in us is our rock.

There are times the Holy Spirit will give you counsel concerning a particular friend and that could be, distancing yourself from a person whose influence is not consistent with the Word of God or He might guide you to exercise patience with a particular person or even sometimes to speak up and resolve whatever the issue is.

Beloved, offences will come but dwelling on them is the issue. When you speak up about an issue, it doesn’t make you petty. Yes, the matters of the kingdom are very important, just as important as is your peace is to God. If you are always crying because of person X or feeling some typa way after interacting with person Y because their words are not filled with love and are inconsistent with God’s Word, you need to think and take the right step, with the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Of course, sometimes, the solution is prayer. Do you pray for your friends? Are your words towards them filled with love and faith? Are you building them up or are you tearing them down with your private thoughts or the words spoken in their presence/absence?

Brothers and sisters, I believe God brings certain people into our lives for a purpose and it is important that we be alert and know who they are and maintain good relationships with them. Maintaining good relationships also doesn’t mean taking everything that comes with them. Having honest conversations with each other is what makes a great relationship great. Why do you need to have them? You need to have honest convos with your friends because there must be unprecedented growth that arises out of those friendships. That means, sometimes sitting down and having your friend correct you on a specific area and vice versa. It means praying together, fellowshipping together, cheering on each other, overcoming challenges together, laughing together, making progress together.

It is midnight already, let me end my thoughts here. I look forward to reading your comments below.

Learn to be a good friend, the Word of God being your standard!

With love,

Nexcellent😊